


A Question of Intimacy

by treedunked



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 08:10:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17915105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treedunked/pseuds/treedunked
Summary: The first time Ned and Boyd kiss, Boyd wants a relationship and Ned cuts him off.Ned contemplates things.





	A Question of Intimacy

  The first time that Ned had felt the sensation of Boyd’s lips on top of his was when they were sitting on a bed with the high of a successful heist in their heads. Boyd tasted like alcohol and cigarettes, and his hands were rough and calloused as they grabbed both sides of Ned’s face and kissed him like he knew nothing else. It was genuine, passionate, and made Ned’s head dizzy and his stomach flutter with butterflies like he was some lovestruck teenager. When the euphoria of the kiss wore off, the panic of being close to another person kicked in and Ned found himself squirming into the headboard of the hotel bed, it’s cheap creakiness resonated as Boyd looked at him with a confused expression. It took Ned a few moments to properly articulate his words, and even then what he wanted to say ( probably something between “I don’t know if I can  _ handle _ a relationship” or “I really like you but this business is far too risky to be something like  _ that _ ” ) came out as— “ Listen Boyd, you’re a real looker, but I think it’d be better for both of us if we kept this relationship strictly professional. ” 

Of course he had to say it in the most casual and shallow way possible. Ned ‘Smoothtalker’ Chicane always stayed far away from anything genuine. Boyd looked surprised, and the red in his cheeks from previous bubbly happiness flared up in embarrassment as his eyebrows knit into a confused expression. Behind his dark eyes, Ned could swore he saw the ghost of hurt there that was quickly shoved down by anger. Boyd removed his hands from Ned’s sides and drew them to be slack besides him as he contemplated his own words. “… All this time together and you feel nothin? Gotta admit, that stings just a bit. ” He wore the rejection well, just hiding whatever he felt besides a grimace and retiring to his own bed. After a bit of uncomfortable silence they were able to return to normal chatter again, talking about their heist and how they wouldn’t need to steal again for a month, given they used their resources wisely.

When Boyd fell asleep, Ned turned on his side to look at him. He watched the way his chest rose and fell as he slept, his hair loose from the shower he had taken before bed and fanning around him like a very mistaken halo.  _ Nothing. _ Ned didn’t feel nothing, he felt a lot of things about Boyd very strongly but feared what would happen if he committed to them fully. He traced his fingers over his lips and sighed, tongue tracing his teeth to chase the taste of what he had lost. Strangely enough, whatever he had with Boyd had been the closest he had really had to a stable relationship since high school.

High school. Life was so complicated to him as a teenager but simple in retrospect now that he was a criminal always toeing it with the law. There wasn’t that many gay kids in his high school, so when he had found someone he clung on tight and ended up with a broken heart amongst other things. It wasn’t like some shitty high school relationship made him give up on relationships, there were more lovers in college but they were all fruitless or a ghost of what everyone told him love should feel like.

He looked at Boyd in the light of the hotel television and thought hard about love. Was what he had for Boyd love? The feeling he got when he besides him and he felt his chest tighten and lightness in his stomach. When he was with him, it felt natural. When he was with him, it felt like that’s where he was supposed to be.

Ned got up from his bed and walked over to Boyd’s, looking at him as he slept with his arms sprawled along the mattress. He kicked off a bit of his blankets, and one of his legs was cascading over the blanket and closed to being off the bed. Ned couldn’t help but grin at him, and light as a cat crawled into the bed with him.

Ned laid besides him in silence, curled on his side and just staring at him. He moved his hand to Boyd’s face and placed it on his cheek, very lightly cupping it as he imagined what it would be like if they were what Boyd wanted from him. Two lovers on the run, Bonnie and Clyde. 

What would that entail? He could kiss Boyd whenever he wanted, he could hold his hand and sit in absolute silence with him if that’s what he needed. If he cried, Boyd could take him in his arms and cocoon him in his warmth and comfort him intimately. He would have the chance to know Boyd beyond his tough exterior, get to know every nook and cranny of him and claim it as his own and every part of Ned be Boyd’s.

A part of him desired to be Boyd’s. He wanted to kiss him, hold him, to do things to him he would be far too embarrassed to admit to anyone else. He closed his eyes and ran his thumb over the scraggliness of his scruff. Boyd leaned into his hand, cheek settling into Ned’s palm. 

Ned leaned forwards and kissed Boyd’s lips chastely, his heart heavy in his chest for something he could seize but feared to take.

_ I love you. _

The thought left him unwittingly, unconsciously and rose panic in his chest. He rolled off Boyd’s bed and walked back over to his, climbing in as if he was retreating away from his thoughts under the blankets. 

He wouldn’t sleep much that night.

He blamed Boyd. 


End file.
